MSB:

I have broken so many agreements. I started in earnest in 2004 with political matters. I continued in 2011 with primarily spiritual matters. I broke a few agreements as a child and teen, but I was bound up by many more. I broke some more in 2015 and realized, that the picture that I had in my head of God still wasn't correct.

I have had such agreements, that I only styled my hair one way for twenty years. Doing anything else didn't "feel" right and I agreed with the voice that said this is the only way it should be. I was bound, I was a prisoner in something as mundane as hair style. I've been changing my hair frequently recently and trying new things, and I like them all. The Judge is missing from this equation. I am free.

I was afraid of motorcycles and just knew I shouldn't be riding them. I was also compelled into an agreement never to get one. But I broke this agreement and had probably the most thrilling and soul satisfying moment on Sunday (another agreement) while riding. I was afraid to have fun, I shouln't be, "There is serious work to be done. How dare you waste your time. This is an expense you shouldn't make. You should donate what fun and enjoyment you might have to the poor."

The very voice in my head that thinks it knows so much that it can control every aspect of my life has been transformed1 into a deliverer, and put me in the path to wisdom. The foundation of sand is being broken up and giving way to something that is real. I am becoming more authentic.

 

LHB:

Several months back I broke an agreement made years ago about watching rated R movies. I did it intentionally. I watched Silver Lining Playbook. Fuck was used a lot. I pressed forward and kept watching, realizing that language is also an agreement I no longer feel bound down by.

It turns out that movie is pretty much my favorite movie now. Supposedly about two mentally ill people falling in love. Frankly, their challenges looked more "real" than real life and I enjoyed their honesty and the freedom they had to just be.

I saw the male main character lose his composure a few times and a family who loved him anyway. My heart longed for that in my own family life. Being too close to a situation at the time left me blind. Now, a few months later, I can look back and see that I lost my composure with another family member and it left discord. Yet today, we love one another, repent and forgive, and move on.

I am thankful for my family. Parents, siblings, nieces, nephews. I am glad that even if I am breaking agreements which they don't understand or agree with, that they love me despite those differences.

 

Notes

1. The Philosopher's Stone.