Dream: Ahead of the Car
A dream from Friday, September 29, 2017
This morning I dreamt MBJ came home with CK at night, like after work. CK had two bars of meat in his hand. He was apologetic and deferential in his typical manner. Taking it for insincerity, I got upset, angry and tried to chase him off and say angry rude things. It turned into day. I noticed CK was buff, strong, healthy, stronger than me, rather than sick and gaunt as he is in life. He was trying to tell us something, I wouldn’t listen. I was angry and provoked him. Finally, he punched me in the stomach, I didn't care, and expected it. I tried to get him to see my view. Micah was happy, laughing; I noticed he was floating in the air. I was upset at this care free attitude and tried to pull him down. I couldn't reach him to grab his shirt. At some point I calmed down and asked if something had happened. I asked him what it was and tried to apologize. We were then sitting on the floor in a room and CK said he had had a vision. He said part of it had to do with me, with work. I said "Yes! Thank goodness! I am having problems, I was just weeping about it this morning, and how it has been affecting the way I interact with my family and couldn’t sleep. I didn’t even know why I was upset, the trouble in my mind clouding my thoughts until I could think a little more straight much later." (The stuff in this quote really happened during the night before this dream. I couldn't sleep, I was very troubled all night until I cried out and begged the Lord to help me.) CK said he was told to ask me, "What would you do if you were sitting in the front seat of a car and the front seat went faster than the car?" The visual I had was of me in the passenger seat of the car pushing through the front of the car/engine, on the highway outside, as if it had its own wheels and power, powered by my will, ahead of the car.
I woke up.
Here is the symbolism I got out of the dream. The car was specifically a safe, calm, synchronous, and in itself, exciting and thrilling way I should work (and live). The seat (and person in it) ahead of the car was me, trying to push forward in haste, fear and panic, alone without a real engine, in an unsafe, untenable, unsustainable and unreal position. Back in the car was normality, a calm and meaningful path forward without haste and fear. It seemed specifically about the way I often approach work, and also life in general. It seemed to be a visual for the saying: "Therefore do not be anxious about tomorrow, for tomorrow will be anxious for itself. Let the day’s own trouble be sufficient for the day."
If I let tomorrow worry about itself, then I can also let the next hour worry about itself. My panic about it doesn't make it any better it actually makes this hour miserable as well as the next. One might think this impractical, but I think there is a lot of truth in the saying "haste makes waste", or another, more explicit and scriptural "haste brings pestilence." If I do what I can do at this moment, then this moment is the most productive and exciting as it could be, and excitement is thrilling to the soul. Worry can only lower productivity, creativity and motivation in the short and long term. Worry cannot turn unreality into reality. This was the pestilence of my haste. The result is calmness, enjoyment, and absolute beauty of this moment, this breeze, this smell in the air, or of this line of code.
The meat was a thing of substance and sustenance. It was two bars or rods. CK's physique was healthy and strong; a symbol of the message. Micah's attitude was the joy and lightness I ought to be feeling all the time. The night was my darkness, the day, my redemption from it, if I would hear. The punch was the damage I did to myself as I "kicked against the pricks" The car was a blessed manner of living the driver was God.